'No one gets to pay money just to abuse you': The consent conversation left in the dark

"It's like every industry has had the #MeToo movement it deserved, and we're still left in the dark," Tessa Williams tells 9Honey.

"You don't get to pay money to sexually harass or abuse anyone — whether they're a stripper, a doctor, whoever — we need to talk about consent, and we need to talk about it at every level."

Sydney-based dominatrix Tessa, known by her moniker Contessa Doll, has worked in numerous areas of the sex industry for over two decades, garnering a prolific career as an escort, adult entertainer and Australian Adult Award winner.

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The former model, who became a stripper after grappling with the gruelling demands of the image-based profession, sought a career that empowered her and discovered it when she attended her first club performance.

"When I saw a strip show for the first time on stage, I was like, 'Oh my God, that's exactly where I want to be' — the confidence was unbelievable, and it was a room of women just owning who they were," she explains.

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But as the years passed, and Tessa gained experience on the floors and poles of clubs across the country, she now reflects on the "dark side" of the stripping world, telling 9Honey:

The former stripper detailed instances of sexual harassment and abuse she experienced as a young dancer, often resulting in being "silenced", "fined" or "fired" from her job from speaking out.

"I was told off many times for speaking out or fighting back when a customer touched me — even though they're not allowed to — and this is still happening today in clubs," she shares.

The majority of strip clubs across the country have strict no-touching policies in place (relative to the individual club), with rules and regulations often outlined by the performers.

"It's against the rules to touch us without consent, and that's not properly communicated — people come into the clubs for a dance, and they sit there feeling entitled to far more because they've paid money for it," she added.

Tessa says the absence of consent and pressure to perform sexual acts not stipulated as part of an individual's services suffers a "top-down" issue, with management often ignoring or pressuring dancers to succumb to customer's expectations.

Entertainers also suffered regular fines for typical workplace slip ups — including up to $100 tickets for arriving late, taking a "break" during hours, complaining about customers and wearing the wrong uniform.

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Noting that strippers work on commission and receive no hourly rate or retainer for their hours, Tessa says the management system can effectively "strip the entire soul away" of an individual.

"This is how girls get drug habits. That's how I nearly got a drug habit," she shares.

"One manager once had the nerve to say to me, if I can't handle a sexual assault, I shouldn't be working in the industry."

Tessa's experience is echoed by stripper and exotic empowerment coach Kylie Bee, 33, who tells 9Honey she entered the industry seven years ago as an avenue to express her sexuality, and work in a role that allowed her to study, see family and travel flexibly.

"I had the outlook that I thought would be incredible, so empowering and exciting, especially embodying the confidence, I wanted to be a part of the action and have fun," she shares, noting the "showmanship" and "pride in the performances," drew her to the industry.

But on her first shift as a bikini bar waitress, Bee realised the respect she treated strippers with was not standard across clientele.

"I went into a withdrawal state and went upstairs and cried at the bottom of the shower until the hot water ran out. When I first started, I didn't know how to stand up for my boundaries."

Bee says the experience encouraged her to educate people moving forward, noting "the same rules of touching and consent apply to every human across the board." she shares.

"I thought about how many other girls feel too scared to stand up for themselves, hold their power and boundaries and demand the respect they deserve, that's why I became a coach for women in the industry."

Discussing her method of educating strip club attendees on consent and boundaries, Bee says she clearly states the rules of engagement and acceptable touching when she is working.

"I think, sometimes when they've paid money that entitles them to everything, so I say this is where you can touch me, and the areas where you're not allowed to touch," she shares.

"Entitlement is a source of confusion, and it's all about education at the end of the day."

Both Tessa and Kylie agree there needs to be a "massive overhaul" in the stripping industry, with more protections and support avenues put in place to care for employees.

"I would love to see more respect and less assumptions — more consensual conversations and no assumptions as to what your money gets you," Kylie tells 9Honey.

"If you're unsure, ask questions and always ask for consent, that empowers all of us. When there are clear boundaries in place it allows everyone to have more fun."

Tessa says, after two decades in the industry, she was transformed from a "broken little girl" who left modelling, into "a completely different, confident person."

"That's why I'm saying we should let the dancers take control of what they wear, who they talk to and what they do with their bodies," she shares.

If you, or anyone you know is struggling, please contact: Lifeline 13 11 14; beyondblue 1300 224 636; Domestic Violence Line 1800 65 64 63; 1800-RESPECT 1800 737 732

Contact bfarmakis@nine.com.au