After hitting menopause, Bettina decided to end her 23-year marriage: 'I felt something shift'

It's not uncommon for a woman to re-evaluate her life and career once the "mid-life" stage starts to creep up.

In fact, a 2019 Australian survey by HILDA revealed the average age with the lowest life satisfaction is roughly around 45.

For German-born mum Bettina Deda, she experienced less of a mid-life "crisis" at this stage and more of a complete and utter life reset.

The NSW author and dancer spoke to 9Honey about the moment she decided to end her marriage of 23 years and begin an entirely new career at age 52.

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"A lot of women in their 40s can feel they have become invisible in some way," Deda explains.

"A lot of them have raised the kids, looked after the house and supported their husband's careers and then think, 'What am I doing now?'"

For Deda, who worked in PR, her identity crossroads took place after moving her family from Germany to Australia.

The entirely new culture and world she had immersed herself in had triggered something and she was desperate to change her life.

"In 2008, we took the plunge and moved to Australia and it was the first time I had moved out of my comfort-zone, because everything felt like it was 'sorted' in my life and things were almost a little boring," Deda explains.

"I wasn't really aware of it in the beginning, but I drifted further away from my husband. I felt there was something shifting."

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Deda and her husband had shared a wonderful marriage with two beautiful children, but it suddenly felt like it all wasn't quite enough anymore.

After attending a retreat in Byron Bay with her now ex-husband and enjoying a "transcendent" Hawaiian massage, Deda strangely felt the need to uphaul her entire life.

"It was literally life-changing," she says. "I had never experienced anything like that before."

Then, at age 52, she hit menopause and decided to enlist the help of a life coach. This was the true catalyst for walking away from the only life she'd known for years.

"I said to my [life coach] one morning, 'I now know what's going to change'. She asked me what I meant and I said, 'My marriage is over'," Deda says.

'Once I said that out loud, I was like, 'Oh my God, what now?' I was shocked and overwhelmed by it."

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Once Deda accepted her own personal revelation and spoke to her husband about her feelings, she says she felt "liberated".

"I guess our marriage was over a long time before that," she says. "Nothing bad was happening, everyone thought we were a happy married couple.

"We had a beautiful house, two cars, two kids and would go on holidays… Everything looked great. But I wasn't happy."

For Deda, 2017 was a "scary" year. It was her first one alone as a single woman in 23 years.

But it was also her first chance in over two decades to finally explore who she was outside of being a wife and a mother.

"I was in this exploration phase," Deda remembers. "I was at home and thinking about what I wanted to do, and I found a DVD of the movie Strictly Ballroom."

Deda had always loved dancing and she took this as a sign. "I grabbed my laptop and googled 'ballroom dancing' and three days later I was heading in for my first lesson."

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Dancing was the type of self-expression she had craved for decades. She now competes in international ballroom competitions and started her own business.

This new passion also inspired her to publish a memoir in April 2022, titled Dare to Dance. With her book, the author and mum wanted to help other women who also felt "stuck" in their 40s and 50s.

"My vision for Dare to Dance is to empower women to celebrate mid-life," she says.

"What are you missing out on because you are not asking? There are many opportunities online and in person to connect, learn, and embrace change.

"Think about what you enjoy doing, what you're curious about, something that's on your bucket list and take action. Momentum will take over from there."

Dare to Dance (published in April 2022) is available on Amazon, Booktopia, and in your local bookshop.