OPINION: 'Stop blaming people of difference for making you uncomfortable'

When people don't know you have children with Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD), they can say some horrible things. I never know what to say in response because a lot of the people making these comments are people I work with, people I usually respect, people I admire and want to preserve my relationships with.

But enough is enough. I can't stand it anymore.

So, with great respect, here's what I want to tell these people, and you, if you share their feelings of discomfort about people of difference like Greta Thunberg and Elon Musk, to name just two of the brilliant game-changers many are struggling to comprehend.

Your reaction to the likes of Greta Thunberg and Elon Musk are about you, not them. Your discomfort with how they act is about you, not them. How they act is triggering something that you don't like about yourself, or feel incapable of, or they are doing something you wish you could do or have tried and failed to do.

And I'm not just talking about the good things.

Greta Thunberg has managed to inspire more people to fight for climate change than anyone before her.

Elon Musk has made more progress when it comes to technological advancements such as space exploration than many before him.

Who wouldn't want to be able to inspire billions of people to join together like Greta Thunberg. Who wouldn't want to be able to achieve what Elon Musk has achieved?

But what about when people like this do things that society deems 'unacceptable', like making strange facial expressions while speaking, or failing to behave as excitedly as you think they should when speaking publicly.

These are the two incidents that triggered in me a need to speak out in defence of people of difference, two times someone I respect and admire has said something negative about each of these amazing people.

It felt like they were criticising my kids, or who they may become in the future.

I took it personally, and so I said something, when normally I wouldn't, and when I previously hadn't, much to my dismay.

The first incident happened on live TV, when someone I was appearing with mocked Greta's way of speaking to much laughter.

I called it out. Immediately. I pointed out that she is a child and shouldn't be mocked. I reminded them that she has autism, so speaks differently than most.

After the segment, my fellow guest and I continued to discuss the mocking of Greta Thunberg and he said: "Oh that's right, you've got one, don't you?"

Actually, I have two, and they don't deserve to be mocked as Greta Thunberg is being mocked by grownups who should know better.

The second incident happened while watching the news with a work colleague, and Elon Musk appeared, talking about a rocket he was about to launch.

"Gosh, he doesn't seem that excited," the colleague said. "He's not really selling it."

"Why does he have to sell it," I said. "He's brilliant. It's what he's created that should get us excited, not how he talks about it."

When you have children of difference - whether that difference be physical, mental or neurological - you become used to fighting for them. What you really want to do is wave a magic wand and change the world, so your children are no longer ignored or invisible or open to unwarranted criticism.

You want to protect them and shelter them, but that's impossible. They deserve to be part of the world too.

People of difference - who don't fit into societal norms - deserve to be treated with respect and admiration and have every opportunity presented to them, just like everyone else.

So while we're busy fighting for education and jobs and funding and organisations that create these opportunities - all good things - we also have to rebuild how we treat each other from the ground up.

That starts with how we react to people of difference, even when they aren't there to hear whatever negative thing we say.

When you have a negative reaction to someone, look at yourself for the reason, not them.

Teach your children to accept difference in all its forms.

Understand that people of difference have just as much to offer, if not more, than everyone else.

We are all in this together.

Contact Jo Abi at jabi@nine.com.au.

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