'After years as "the fat friend", I've lost weight - but I still don't like the way I look'

From the age of around 15, I started to put on quite a lot of weight.

Looking back, I think I was just depressed and comfort eating. Then, by 18 I was bigger.

Most of my girlfriends had partners, and I was lonely. I became the "fat friend" who everyone loved. I even changed my personality to fit the way I looked, becoming the fun loving friend everyone wanted to be around.

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But, deep down I didn't like myself and wished I could look like my friends, who were all slim.

I was always told 'You'd be so pretty, if only you lost some weight'. I think that's one of the worst things anyone can tell someone who is overweight, and I had to hear it so many times I couldn't count how often.

Luckily my life changed for the better when I was in my late 20s and I had a boyfriend who loved me for who I was, rather than how I looked. He was very sporty and fit and encouraged me to join him. So I felt like I was on a mission — not just to lose weight, but to get super fit.

I started jogging and then riding a bike everywhere and, eventually, I lost a lot of weight.

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Now I'm in my mid-30s and I am proud of the way I look. I no longer have my boyfriend, but I'm pretty happy being single and hope to be a mum someday.

But when I look in the mirror, I still don't like what I see. I think I am okay to look at, but I'm definitely not beautiful. That's something I couldn't change unless I went under the knife, which I'm not going to do.

I just wish I was satisfied with the way I look. I'm constantly buying makeup and skincare, or getting hair extensions, to try and look better. People are always complimenting my looks, which is something I never thought would happen when I was younger.

I find it hard to accept compliments. Maybe it's because, deep down, I'm still that overweight young woman everyone saw as the life of the party.

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Will I ever be satisfied with the way I look? I notice other women who look better than me and wish I could be as confident as they are.

I'd like to find a new boyfriend soon, but I keep stopping myself from using dating apps. I will spend ages looking at photos of myself and not liking any of them.

I have a few friends who are encouraging me because they hate to see me feeling down about myself. I don't know if dating apps are the answer for me. I feel it doesn't matter which photos I choose, I'll hate all of them!

I know I look okay, I just feel so dissatisfied and wish I could just chill out and be happy with who I am.