Why finding 'the one' isn't the key to a long-term relationship

If you're searching for the perfect partner - the Jack to your Rose, the Noah to your Allie - stop!

Seeking out ‘the one’ actually hinders your chances at a life-long relationship, one expert has said.

That’s right: instead of hunting for your perfect other half, you should be on the lookout for an Average Joe.

Speaking on Today Extra, clinical psychologist Gemma Crib said a major reason why relationships don’t last the long haul is because of: a) False Hollywood representations of love and, b) Our brains f---ing with us.

Hollywood is always telling us to hold out for ‘the one’, Crib explained, adding that our brain chemistry also doesn’t help us.

“The ones we see in Hollywood are not real and when you fall in love your brain is filled with these love ‘drugs’ so that anyone you fall in love with could be ‘the one’ - that's why we see people who fall in love again, and again, and again,” she said.

“Once that brain chemistry fades, after 12 - 18 months, you're left with the normal, average human being with normal average problems.”

While it’s fine to fall head-over-heels for someone, Crib suggested keeping an ear to the floor so you don’t crash face-first into it once descended from your love high.

“Of course, when you fall in love it’s pretty amazing but you want to be choosing sensibly as well and keeping your eye out for good qualities,” she said.

Crib suggested that while you’re enjoying the ‘honeymoon season’ of a new relationship, ask yourself if ‘the one’ possess any of the key characteristics needed in a long-term partner.

These include:

• Good sense of responsibility
• Self-awareness
• Similar values
• Ability to accept differences

However, gender also plays a role in finding your ‘perfect’ match, Crib said.

“Men are less likely to settle than women,” she explained.

“There are two reasons for that: Women have a biological clock that they are working on which makes them want to settle.

“And there is a bit of an imbalanced stigma around women being single - they’re compared to being a ‘spinster’ whereas single men are ‘allowed’ to be a bachelor and it’s not seen as such a bad thing.”

Crib’s main tips for sustaining a long-term, healthy relationship are:

• Learn to communicate
• Prioritise time with your partner
• Share fondness and admiration - keep an attitude of gratitude.