'Why I don't like being married'

I didn't get married until I was 42, although I'd had a long-term boyfriend for 10 years prior to meeting my husband Jared*. We've now been married for two years, and I have to say that I just don't like being married.

Yes, I love my husband — I believe he is the love of my life and I'd say he was my soul mate. He is kind and thoughtful, caring and very sexy. But I do not like the institution of marriage and I feel like a hypocrite having a shared bank account, both of our names on the house and I feel like, with my marriage, I have lost my independence.

The other thing I don't like about marriage is that Jared makes me feel like he "owns" me and he has become very possessive in a way that I find very upsetting. He wants to know where I am at all times.

He didn't do this when we were dating but, since we got married, he has become so possessive. If I don't pick up the phone to him, he gets angry with me and I don't know why. Whether I'm in meeting or I might be in the bathroom, he panics.

He wasn't like this before we got married. So I wish we'd just stayed as a de facto partnership. I mean, it's just a piece of paper, right?

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I'll see about seven missed calls and, when I call him back, he sounds so relieved to hear from me. I ask him "Did you think I drove my car off a cliff or something?" and he just gets angry, so it's getting ridiculous.

The money issue is the biggest worry for me. I hate that I feel like I have to ask his permission for anything that I buy, because he will see my purchase on the bank statement and ask me what I'd spent $150 on. Most times it's just skin care or makeup, which he thinks is a frivolous purchase but I always explain to him it's essential for my self care. He just doesn't get it.

I don't give a toss what he spends money on, so long as he's not throwing money away with gambling, then I really don't care. I've become so upset about this joint bank account I've now gone behind his back and set up a separate account, in my name only.

It's not as bad as it sounds, it's just an account I can use for my personal shopping, just so I don't have to always explain to Jared what I've bought — so if I want to buy a new pair of shoes, I can do so. He never notices my new things anyway, all he notices is that there has been money leaving the account. He is so tight-fisted that he is driving me crazy.

I work very hard for my money and, if I wasn't married, I wouldn't have anyone to answer to. It's like being married to my father, who was always very tight with money and queried every single thing that my mother bought.

I saw how tense it used to make her and I'm heading the same way, so I want to take control before it's too late.