'How I've finally broken my habit of dating "bad boys"'

I have a dodgy dating track record. Like, capital D dodgy.

Sure, if you’re an adult you may well have dated a few shady characters, but trust me, I've dated more.

I say this with no sense of pride. It is what it is, and it’s well known—at least among my close friends and even my co-workers.

Occasionally they talk about that time my then-editor said she wanted to talk to me about my abusive ex, and I was forced to ask her which one.

She looked at me and shook her head. We all knew what she was saying with that one small gesture: 'What the hell is wrong with you?'

At the time I made light of it, but today I feel differently. Today I have a better handle on dating and why so many of us choose so very badly.

In particular, I am more clear about why I have chosen so very badly, and consistently so.

You know the types—magical humans who light up the room and draw everyone close. Charming, clever, witty men who are unfortunately also selfish and dishonest, sometimes worse. Classic narcissists, I would wager.

I fell for them, time and time again, but now I have stopped all that. How, I hear you ask?

Well, I like to think that I got smarter and maybe I did, a little. But what really helped me was taking a break from dating altogether.

In some ways, I had to. I no longer trusted myself to choose well.

I couldn’t be sure that my gut was guiding me well, that it was telling me the truth, or if I had just lost my inner relationship compass altogether.

Was that man attractive, or did I just find him so because he had a whiff of being untrustworthy?

Did that one leave me cold because there was no spark, or because he was in fact a decent guy and therefore not appealing to me?

WATCH: The Sticky Situations panel discusses a touchy dating issue. (Post continues.)

I just didn’t know any more, so I made the decision to not date—at least for a while.

While I had always thought of myself as the single girl in the group, the one who didn’t have a serious boyfriend when all the other girls did, the truth was I had moved from one relationship to the next for years.

Although some of those unions lasted only months, several of them lasted years. Yet they all shared one common denominator: they were disastrous.

Here’s where I need to be really clear. Not all of these men were all bad. Even the worst of them weren’t ALL bad.

Did they have flaws? Yes. But did I? Also yes, and no relationship was going to work for me until I looked closely at those flaws and attempted to resolve a few.

It might not be a popular opinion, but I firmly believe everyone brings their own stuff to the table. In my opinion—and hell, I am no therapist—that’s clear. Relationships are a 50/50 deal.

Sure, the men I was involved with had done some uncool things, but looking back I can see that so did I. And like I said, there was a definite pattern. A pattern of choosing a particular type of man who clearly did not suit me.

Will I find a man like that? I don't know. Maybe, maybe not. Perhaps I will revert to type, but I doubt it.

Now that I can see what was happening for me, it’s like the fog has lifted. The spell has been broken and those bad boys no longer appeal.

A good man is what I am after. And I wager there’s one out there who, while not without flaws, is perfect—at least for me.