'Three strangers in a nightclub made me have an epiphany about friendship'

Screaming along to Taylor Swift lyrics with three women I'd never met before certainly wasn't how I expected my Saturday night to go.

In my desperate search for new friends in my 20s I'd signed up for Bumble BFF, a friendship dating app.

There I had matched with a girl who had a spare ticket to a Taylor Swift-themed club night in the city, and we'd made plans for me to join her for the night out.

But when I finished work on Saturday (working weekends is just one of the reasons I struggle with friendships), I honestly didn't want to go. I wanted to bail.

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It can be really intimidating to put yourself out there as a 20-something with few friends at the end (I hope) of a global pandemic.

It turns out that not bailing on the night was actually the best choice I've made all year.

The first 'friend date'

In the end, I trekked over an hour into the city, waited nervously for my new friend to arrive, then proceeded to have the best night of my life.

We showed off some terrible dance moves, screamed along to our favourite songs, shared stories of terrible ex boyfriends and bonded over a drink (or six). We even picked up two other new friends on the dance floor.

At the end of the night I was on cloud nine; I honestly couldn't remember the last time I felt so excited and happy after a night out.

I felt like Carrie in Sex and the City, or Rachel in Friends, thriving after time with a girl-gang I didn't know until that very evening.

Who would have thought three strangers in a nightclub would make me have an epiphany. And that epiphany was that maybe making new friends isn't as hard as I thought.

Can you actually make real friends online?

Definitely. Long before friendship dating apps were a thing, there were online communities, forums and social platforms where people bonded and formed life-long friendships.

I have several close mates I met on Tumblr and Twitter when I was a teenager, and we're still in touch today if you need proof.

As for Bumble BFF, I've already been on two 'friend dates' and have plans for a third, and APAC Communications Director says Lucille McCart says she's seen countless friendships come out of the app.

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From a pair of UK expats who met in Australia during lockdown and formed a friendship over their shared home nation, to two girls who turned a Bumble BFF friendship into a group of six friendships.

"One of my best friends went to Auckland for work for three months and used BFF to just meet people," she reveals. "She met a couple of groups of people that she still talks to."

The stigma of wanting friends

There's an odd stigma around signing up for an app specifically designed to seek out friends, and even I was embarrassed to mention Bumble BFF to people in the real world.

"There is a really big stigma around admitting you're looking for friends," McCart says.

"It's similar to 4-5 years ago when… this stigma existed around going on an app and looking for a date. It was seen as a bit desperate."

McCart says it comes from those old feelings of being in a "popularity contest", just like when you were a teenager in high school.

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Having friends is cool, but admitting you don't have as many as you'd like, or you want more? That's considered "embarrassing", even now.

She says the idea with Bumble BFF is to break down that stigma, the same way it has broken down for dating apps – because "why is it any different?"

And it's true; we shouldn't feel embarrassed about actively seeking out friendships and connections, especially given how isolating the last 18 months have been for most of us.

Friendship after lockdown

This week I went for a coffee date with another Bumble BFF match, and afterwards I felt amazing even though it was just a casual catch up.

Honestly, after so many lockdowns and time in isolation, I had forgotten just how good it feels to meet someone new, get out of the house and just hang out face-to-face.

"When someone is a new friend, you're less likely to say 'come over, we'll watch Netflix and order a pizza'," McCart says.

"With a new friend, you're more inclined to go and get drinks, or take a class, or go for a walk. It's so nice that you really cultivate that friendship… especially after lockdown."

McCart says people can also use the app to find one-off friends for specific events, or who want to join in certain hobbies they may not share with any existing mates.

"It doesn't mean there's anything wrong with the friends you have currently, but there are other options out there," she says.

Plus, finding friends who share specific interests you may not share with anyone else in your life can take pressure off other relationships, especially romantic ones.

"Your partner doesn't have to be everything for you, and they probably shouldn't be," McCart says.

I agree; as much as I love my boyfriend, he's not the person I want singing along with me to Taylor Swift at midnight after three vodka cranberries.

The final verdict

So does online "friend dating" really work, and is it work the awkwardness? I'd say yes, 100 per cent.

While you may not meet your friendship soulmate right away, or even at all, connecting with likeminded people through an app like Bumble BFF is just fun.

You get to interact with people you may never have met otherwise, and whether you only go for a coffee once or make a lifelong friend, the experience is usually worth it.

"Your friends and those relationships are so crucial to being happy, and being settled and having a good balance of all the things you need in life," McCart says.

The pandemic has been isolating in more ways than one, and I firmly believe we should be encouraging all kinds of connection now. So why not make a few new friends?