Mia didn't learn the truth about her dad's tragic death until years after it happened

Father's Day has been complicated for Mia Douglas since her dad, Kevin Douglas, died suddenly when she was six years old. 

"We were just told that he was really sick," the 19-year-old from Queensland tells 9honey.

Mia didn't learn the harrowing truth about her father's death until years after the fact, and now shares her story for the first time exclusively with 9honey.

Growing up on an Australian Defence Force base, Mia and her siblings were used to the sight of their dad walking out the door in his Army fatigues.

Sometimes he was only gone for the day, other times he was away from months on lengthy deployments Mia was too young to really understand.

Kevin was on one such deployment to Timor Leste for about eight months not long before he died. It's one of the few things Mia does remember from the short time she had with him.

Because on July 14, 2011, Kevin died by suicide. He was 34.

Kevin left behind three young children and a wife who couldn't bear to tell them how their dad had died.

Have you got a story? Contact reporter Maddison Leach at mleach@nine.com.au

"Suicide is such a heavy thing to try to explain as a now-single mum of three kids, right after her husband's just passed," Mia says of her mother's decision to protect her and her siblings from the truth.

"It was rough, especially with her trying to come to terms with it herself … she needed time to grieve as much as she could before she could come and tell us."

Mia doesn't remember much about the first few years after her dad's death.

She knows family and Kevin's ADF friends stepped in to help her mum, and the family soon relocated from Sydney to Brisbane for a fresh start.

But even there she couldn't escape the questions from other school kids and even teachers at the start of September every year.

Where is your dad? Are you going to the Father's Day stall? Why not?

"I wasn't very big on talking about it, so I just brushed it off and would be like, 'It's none of your business,'" Mia says.

"I didn't really know how to respond."

Then, when she was 12, her mother sat her down and told her the truth.

Hearing that her beloved dad had died by suicide was a lot to take in as a pre-teen, but Mia is glad her mum waited until she was a bit older to tell her the truth.

Not only could she understand it better at 12 than six, by then she also had Legacy to lean on for support.

The charity has supported tens of thousands of Australians who have lost loved ones who served in the ADF since World War I and has been instrumental in Mia's grief journey.

Long before she knew how her dad died, Legacy was helping Mia's mum access grief and mental health support, as well as providing all sorts of emotional and educational help for the three kids.

Once she was a bit older, Mia was also invited to annual summer youth camps, where connected with other kids who had lost loved ones who served – some even to suicide.

Over a decade later, she thinks of those kids like siblings.

"We've all grown up together," she says.

"I message pretty much all of them every single day … we're always all there for each other."

Having that peer support makes milestones like Father's Day easier for Mia to bear, because she knows someone who understands is only ever a phone call away.

Father's Day isn't easy for the Douglas children, but they've found comfort and healing by turning the first Sunday in September into something different, a day to celebrate the person who stepped up in their dad's place: their mum.

"She is both Mum and Dad," Mia says, "she stepped in to make sure that we're still OK."

In the 13 years since Kevin died, Mia's mum has been her "rock" and that's why Father's Day is all about her this year - and every year after.

Mia and her siblings still honour their dad on anniversaries and birthdays, but Father's Day has become a day to celebrate all their mum has done since losing the man she loved.

Kevin's death by suicide was heartbreaking, but stories like his are aren't uncommon in the ADF.

A staggering 1,677 ADF members who have served since 1985 died by suicide in the years between 1997 and 2021, per the Australian Institute of Health and Welfare (AIHW).

The Royal Commission into Defence and Veteran Suicide was established in 2021 to inquire into the systemic issues and risk factors around suicide among Defence members, with a final report scheduled for release by September 9, 2024, one week after Father's Day.

The findings will come too late for Mia's family, but there's hope they will help prevent deaths like her father's in the future.

"It's important to shed light on," she says, "and make sure other people who are going through the same thing as my family know that they're not alone."

Legacy Week runs from September 1 to September 7 and Mia is urging the community to support and donate to raise vital funds to support the families of Australia's veterans. To buy a badge, a bear or make a donation, click here.

If you or someone you know is in need of support contact Lifeline on 13 11 14 or Beyond Blue. In the event of an emergency dial Triple Zero (000).

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