How Mother’s Day feels when you’ll never be a mother

Happy Mother’s Day to all the mums out there.

I’ve been very vocal about the fact that I’m child-free by choice. I will never be a mother and I’m completely okay with that. 

Mother’s Day is not a sad day for me. 

It’s a day I honour my mother and high-five my friends and other family members with kids.  From the bottom of my heart I respect you all and seriously don’t know how you bloody do it.

I get messages from people saying, “But you have dogs, you are a Mum to your furkids!” 

I think that is a lovely sentiment, and I love my dogs to bits, but I would never, ever, put myself in the mother category.  I’m very happy for the mothers of humans to be showered with love and enjoy all the glory on this day.

Because, as I said, it’s not a difficult day for me.

However, I think it's important to point out that being child-free and childless are completely different situations. My heart breaks for women who long to be mothers, yet circumstances prevent them from having children.

I know a lot of women who are childless for many reasons such as those who are not fertile, those who can’t afford IVF, those who haven’t met the right partner and those who left it too late and had the decision made for them.  I have a friend who has admitted that her ovaries ache and she gets tears in her eyes every time she sees a woman pushing a pram.

Just last week Sarah Wilson shared her grief about not being a mother.  She is devoting her time to charity work to fill the void.  I think she is a brilliant human being and I’m so sorry she has that ache.

I’m sure for childless women Mother’s Day is awful. Or those who have lost their mum.  It would be heartbreaking.

I send those women my love, a big warm hug and a gentle “I’m sorry.”

So, you can see why I find it strange that just because I don’t have kids, people put me in the same basket.  It’s a bit mean to not see the difference.

Being child-free means you have made a conscious decision not to have children. A decision I did not take lightly.

I often get asked why I don’t want kids and it’s hard to answer.  I often reply ''Did you 'just know' you wanted to be a mother? Well I 'just know' I don't''. I've never felt clucky.  I’ve never once regretting my decision.  Not once.

Now I’m 45 years old, people ask me less and less.  I guess they figure that ship has sailed.  That’s okay too.

To me, mothering is a sacrifice I’m just not up for and a job I’ve never wanted.  In the early years it’s broken sleep and tantrums, then school runs and forgotten lunches, Mum’s taxi kicks in for weekend sports, followed by worry when they get a licence, finally they are off your hands yet the still have a hand out asking for help with rent or buying a house. 

You get cuddles and kisses and the chance to shape a human life.  I’m sure that outweighs it all – for you.  I know I’ll miss out on the love of a child.  I love my Mum to bits and speak to her most days.  If I’m honest,  that’s the only thing I feel sad about.  I will never have a child who loves me, like I love my Mum.

So happy Mother’s Day to my Mum, Lindy.  You did an awesome job.  I know I was a handful.

To all the other mums, I salute you.  Wear those macaroni necklaces with pride.  It’s your day.