My first baby's birth went smoothly - but I'm dreading doing it again

All women are different when it comes to the way they prepare for birth.

Nerves, anxiety, fear and excitement are all common feelings in the lead-up to the big day - but we each experience them in different amounts.

During my first pregnancy I had an easygoing approach. My motto was 'What I don't know, can't scare me'.

Of course I expected it to be painful, I knew there may be complications and that I needed to have faith in the doctors and nurses at the hospital, but I didn't want to know too much because I didn't want to freak out about it. Ignorance was truly bliss.

Unfortunately that plan doesn't work second time around.

Now, I am just months away from giving birth again and I am absolutely terrified. I can't stop worrying about how my baby's birth will unfold - despite the fact I was lucky enough to have a positive experience first time around.

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I had a supportive, encouraging midwife at Sydney's Royal North Shore Public Hospital. I was induced, the contractions began within a few hours, my epidural arrived when I requested it and I gave birth naturally without any serious tearing.

I am grateful to be able to say that the worst part of my birth was the painful contractions right before my epidural. Although I don't remember the the exact feeling, I know there was a point at which I thought I couldn't bear to experience another one.

I can picture in my mind the exact spots on the wall I stared at in the birthing suite and the exact furniture I held onto as I endured each contraction as they came on up to four minutes apart. I recall sitting on the delivery bed squeezing my husband's hand trying to sit still mid-contraction so the anaesthetist was able to get that epidural in so it could kick in.

I don't remember the pain exactly, and like many women who have given birth I can't compare it to anything, but I know it wasn't fun.

This is what scares me now going into my second birth.

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I know it all. I know what happens, I know how bad it can feel, I know how painful it can be and I know what needs to be done to get this baby out.

How I wish I could go back in time and enjoy the ignorance I had going into my first birth. How I wish I could borrow Will Smith's neuralyzer from Men in Black to be able to erase all the memories and go in knowing nothing.

Of course I wouldn't want to erase the amazing moment I met my son for the first time. That was a fabulous moment that will forever be celebrated. But all that came before it, I'd prefer to skip that.

I wish I could say my birth experience was something I 'enjoyed' but, if I am completely honest, if I could opt out I would. If I could hand the task over to my husband, I would do that in a heartbeat.

But that's not how it works. It's up to me to get this baby out and I have to accept that. So I just hope that it all goes well and that the epidural arrives nice and early.

I have it on my list to 'order' it from my midwife during my next checkup - unfortunately I'm not sure they are available for pre-order. For now I'll try to block out the memory of the pain and pretend as hard as I can to still be blissfully ignorant again.