Sydney mum tells tradies to stop swearing in front of her kids

Did you know that the C word can be used as a noun, a verb and as an adjective?

Or that you can use it to punctuate sentences, describe your partner, children and boss whenever you feel that the F, S, D and A words just aren’t adequately doing the job (no matter how hard you try)?

Up until last week, I did not, but the great news is that my two young children and I were given a wonderful life lesson on a train carriage when we learned all of these things and more.

My girls and I (and dare I say practically every other child under the age of eight in the Bondi Junction area) were on the train when a bunch of tradies got on and took the seats across the aisle from ours. Almost immediately they began bellowing loudly like they were on day release from prison, all ‘s**ts’ this, ‘bitches’ that and pretty much everything else I mentioned in my opening paragraph.

Writer Dilvin Yasa - no swearing - at least not in front of the kids.

Catching the eye of one of the guys, I pointed silently at my four year old and mouthed “Kids” only for him to ignore me and carry on with this story about the ‘C’ he was ghosting.

Other adults in the carriage began doing that ‘throat clearing’ thing people do when they want to say something but don’t want to get shanked so I asked them to zip it. I didn’t get shanked (although I did get a few helpful suggestions about a pole and my bottom), and a heated argument followed - one which ended abruptly when my nine year (loudly) said, “Mum, stop it! They’re obviously mentally ill and you can’t get mad at people for being mentally ill because they can’t help it.”

Showstopper.

That night, long after my daughter and I had a big chat about the difference between mentally ill and mentally stuffed, I started thinking about the use of profanity – both in general and around children.

If you’ve been following the news lately, you’ll know that swearing - thanks in part to the release of books such as Swearing Is Good for You – is having a moment. Riding high on the back of studies which show dropping the occasional F-bomb is linked to everything from higher-than-average intelligence to increased levels of pain relief, researchers are saying we should swear freely.

For more open, honest and occasionally hilarious talk about raising kids and all things related, tune into our podcast Honey Mums by clicking the link below. A show created by parents like you - for parents like you.

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Not only are there reports which show those who swear tend to be more honest, while other studies show those who express their emotions in the form of explicit language are better equipped to deal with stress. The way the tide is turning, I have no doubt that Miranda Kerr’s follow-up book to Empower Yourself will be Go F*@K Yourself… Naturally.

I swear. I swear all the time – so much so that when my first book was published, I was inundated with letters admonishing me on my ‘colourful language’ but I do not ever swear in front of my children.

Nope, instead I say ridiculous things like ‘Shivers’ and ‘Far out’, but should I finally drop my guard and let my kids know that underneath all that sweet mum stuff is an aggressive truck driver wannabe just dying to get out?

Sure, there might have been the odd case here and there in the United States where mums have been arrested for swearing in front of their kids (one mother was arrested for yelling at her husband to “Stop squishing the f**king bread!” in front of their children at the supermarket – and I’m sure we can all relate to that), but studies once again show it might not be as bad as we’re (okay, I’m) making out.

Dilvin - one strong mother.

Although a 2010 study of thousands of Scandinavian teens found kids exposed to verbal abuse are more likely to report psychological problems such as depression and anxiety, other researchers quickly pointed out that verbal abuse – using profanity to swear at your children is different to swearing around your children – a habit which most say is completely harmless.

Much of the taboo around swearing comes from the tendency to lump swearing in with verbal abuse, says Benjamin K. Bergen, a professor of cognitive science at the University of California at San Diego and the author of What the F: What Swearing Reveals About Our Language, Our Brains, and Ourselves.

“You can use profanity positively, and you can use ‘clean’ language abusively.” In short, it won’t change the end game if you drop the odd ‘bad’ word around your kids.

This may be so, but where then do you draw the line?

What would the academics say about the mother I witnessed this morning matter-of-factly telling her son to “Get the f**king dirty potatoes Jai, not the f**king expensive ones”?

Context is one thing certainly, but surely relaxing your stance on profanity also comes with the risk of being pulled so far down the profanity rabbit hole that you no longer think there’s anything wrong with referring to potatoes as ‘f**king potatoes’?

Everyone’s got their own method of parenting, but it’s certainly something to think about.