David Campbell: 'I'm saying "nay" to Valentine's Day, and with good reason'

Happy Valentine's Day, lovers!

I hope you have spoken to your local florist and bagged the biggest bouquet they had. Where will you eat? Why, your favourite table at your favourite restaurant, of course.

Wait. Is this a special V-day? Will you pop the question? Oh my god! You guys. I hope I didn't ruin the surprise.

Look, I am soooooooo happy for you. My wife and I will be doing, wait for it… NONE OF THOSE THINGS. Romantic, right? Well, we are not alone.

Turns out, more and more couples are saying #NaytotheDay. It's like #NuptotheCup and, like that November hashtag, doesn't hurt animals.

Valentine's Day is too expensive. Some call it a Hallmark Celebration, and others just have no one to stare longingly at and would rather stay home and watch the slow-mo couple pile-up on Married At First Sight.

To be fair, my wife and I are going into our fourteenth year together. We have a nine-year-old, twin five-year-olds, and a puppy.

We try to squeeze in a date night every fortnight or so, but let's not kid ourselves — this is just for some peace and quiet.

We end up talking about the kids or just staring and chewing quietly, enjoying the silence and thinking, 'When is the babysitter shift over so we can go to bed before chaos reigns down on us again in the morning?'

I adore my wife. She adores me. We got it covered. It's like we have nothing to prove; we won't even do a social media post. This is how serious we are about saying nay.

Valentine's Day is for the young 'uns. The new loves. The love-the-second-time-arounders, or the third — no judgement here.

Find your love. Get engaged. Get a room. Get busy, people. We are going to bed early for Netflix… no chill.