'Will ruin our friendship': Bridesmaid's dilemma after learning of huge destination wedding cost
Being a bridesmaid is notoriously expensive, especially for a destination wedding.
A Reddit post by a woman who has been put in this exact position has gone viral, asking if it was OK for her to lie to her friend to get out of an $8000 wedding.
The 32-year-old woman says she and the bride Kayla have been friends since primary school, revealing that being involved in the ceremony was "an automatic given."
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The user says that this wedding will cost more than she thinks is "reasonable," noting that it will take place in the groom's hometown, which happens to be "a tiny, far-north Scandinavian town."
Being a bridesmaid can have various unexpected expenses. Getty Images/iStockphoto
Originally, the wedding was set to take place in 2025 but was changed to 2024 at the last minute and is now only four months away, leaving limited time to save for the expenses.
As the wedding is taking place during Midsommer, everything is more expensive: "we are looking at a minimum $8000."
Kayla was apologetic for changing the date, "but has not acknowledged just how big of an impact this is [financially]."
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She goes on to say that despite having a good job, she and her husband have been saving for a trip to Japan for four years and had already booked their flights, though Kayla didn't know their vacation was locked in yet.
"You're so lucky, you've been saving all that money for a vacation anyway," Kayla said, insinuating that their savings could be redirected to her wedding.
Often brides can get caught up in the excitement of their day and not consider their guests. Getty Images/iStockphoto
So far, Reddit users agree that the author of the post is not in the wrong, until this admission.
"I also had a destination wedding. My husband and I got married in Alaska right out of college when most of our friends, including Kayla, didn't have particularly good or secure jobs."
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The user is afraid that if she tells Kayla she can't go because it's so expensive it will "ruin" their friendship, instead composing an elaborate lie that fellow users disagree with.
"I fear she would question if our friendship is not worth cancelling our Japan plans and flights."
Confronting the issue head on is proving difficult for the bridesmaid. Getty Images/iStockphoto
Reddit users were quick to share their opinions, with one comment summarising the general consensus on the matter.
"8K is an outlandish amount to ask anyone to pay to come to a wedding. Ever. Full stop. The answer is we just can't afford that. We cannot spend that kind of money on this. I'm so sorry, we can't. We booked our Japan vacation already, not knowing that you were going to change the date, and we can't do this," they added.
"Your actual reason is sufficient. Making something up would just make it dodgy. Tell her the truth," the post concluded.
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